Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." Yogi Berra

My father told me once that when I was a little girl he used to find "stashes" of change all over my room. I don’t remember that at all, I don’t remember if I was given an allowance for chores, although I do remember baby sitting for $.50 an hour. I baby sit from time to time today - for $15.00 an hour. Yogi’s quote rings true.
I have come full circle, I still have stashes of change, although they are “stashed away” in banks or mutual funds. I never handle money any more, it comes and goes via debit or credit cards. This is what I find so baffling about money in 2011, we talk about it all the time, but we never see it.  It is like the elephant in the living room. 
Swiping cards has replaced the jingle of change in my pocket and I’m not sure if this is a good thing. I do know that if I pay cash for something, hand the actual money to a cashier, it makes me think twice about the value of the item. Try it, you will be surprised, and it might cause you to rethink the necessity of the item in question. In the long run, it's all temporary anyway because you can't take it with you.



Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A Gift from Irene

While walking along the riverside Oskar and I encountered a "gift" from Irene.  I like the little guy crouching, trying to decide if he should crawl or climb!



Sunday, August 28, 2011

Happy Birthday, Maggie


Today is my friend, Maggie's birthday, one of those "well-rounded" ones to boot. In honor of the occasion I have attempted to write a poem:

How to describe Maggie Peruto?
She’s as Italian as a plate of proscuitto
She is mother to little Piglet and Nikki
Offering tidbits for their appetites picky



















We have bonded over many things:
Politics, dogs, cabbages and kings,
Our favorite program, Breaking Bad
Cheers us when we are feeling sad.
We both love Walt, we both love Jessie
Their improbable lives become so messy
We both love voluntary simplicity
And people who display unattractive duplicity

What can I say, I love her dearly
I don't know how to say it more clearly
To quote Tina Turner, she is simply the best
So much better than all the rest.



Oskar, My Life - Part Three


Walking is a very important part of my day and my human takes it very seriously. Before we leave the apartment there are several things she puts on: first her walking shoes with the bouncy soles and her black glasses, then her hat, and she covers up her ears with round tires.  Cords hang down from the tires and there is a little gadget at the other end of the cord that she puts in her pocket. Then we’re off.  
We walk on a path along the river, and usually it is the best part of the day but one day something terrible, terrible terrible happened. I still shake every time I think about it. I was sniffing some leaves under a bush when a HUGE monster attacked me.  My human told me it was a Canadian Goose but as far as I am concerned they can stay in Canada if they are going to act like this.  It stretched out its wings so wide I thought I was a goner.  It began pecking at my eyes with it’s clacking beak, peck, peck, peck.  I was terrified!  My human was talking to another human when it happened.  She was holding a long stick called a cane and she began swinging the cane at the goose and saying, “stop that, stop that.” If it was not for that cane I really think I would be a goner. The human said I came too close to Mother Goose’s babies, but I wasn’t going to hurt those babies.  I learned a good lesson.  Whenever we see any geese now, we give them LOTS of space, believe you me.

Well, now there you have it.  I have a great life.  I like it here better than Arkansas.  I don’t like the white stuff that falls from the sky every once in awhile because it makes my feet cold. When that happens, my human puts on my coat but that doesn’t help my paws.  My apartment is called “The Mill” and all the humans know my name and are so happy to see me when we are in the little box going up or down. They don’t know my human’s name but they know mine! It is time to go for another walk so I need to say goodbye,  My human is putting on her walking gear and off we will go.  Don’t worry, I will stay far away from any of those Canadian Geese!




Friday, August 26, 2011

Oskar, My Life - Part Two

I have my own dining room, and my own bedroom.  I love my dining room because I love to eat.  There is a dish that says “dog” and a big red water dish that has Christmas presents on it, a picture of my cousin, Charley, and a little doll, a human, with her hair sticking straight up and it says “Wyoming Wind” on her dress.  Charley lives in Wyoming.  We are estranged so his human sent me the picture so I would not forget him.
        
Yoga is important for my well-being and it sets an example for the humans who hurry too much.  They need to slow down and enjoy life more.  There are many different doggie yoga positions.  One of my favorites is called the “Sideways Facing Dog” pose.  You have to hold that pose for at least two hours, even if your human enters the room.  No cheating.


The other pose is called the “Airing Out“ pose.  It is very good for everything “down there.” It stretches my front legs while it airs out my beehind. There are many other yoga poses, too many to mention, but I try to do as many as possible during the day to maintain my serenity.  Serenity is very important because my human is much too busy.  She needs me to show her how to relax.  I believe this is why we were brought together by the Great Law of Attraction, to be a power of example for her.  Otherwise, she would be a complete basket case (if you get my gist.)



Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Oskar, My Life - Part One



My name is Oskar Carlson.  Oskar with a “K” and Carlson with a “C.” I am a five-year old Boston Terrier,  and I live near Boston.  I am  a “brindle,” When my human takes me for a walk other humans often say “Oh, he’s a brindle, that’s unusual.”  I don’t know what a brindle is, I guess I should, but I don’t. I am also big for a Boston and very strong, solid muscle.
I was born in Arkansas, and was never under a roof until I moved to Boston. I ate, slept and played outside. One day I was playing in my yard when a man grabbed me, put me in a cage, put the cage in a truck and the truck began moving. It moved for what seemed like forever.  No one ever told me this was going to happen.  One day I’m playing with my siblings and the next day I’m in a cage on my way to Boston.  My human met me when the truck finally stopped but I did not know she was my human at the time.  She was just a human looking very happy and excited to see me.
I live in an apartment called The Mill and you have to get in a box like a little closet to get there. The closet has no windows and a sliding door.  Since I had never been inside anything, it was scary the first time  when the box started moving. You have to get in or out fast or the door will hit you in the beehind.  I don’t have much of a tail, so my beehind has had a few good whacks from that door.  The box goes up and down, never sideways.  Then you walk down a long hall until you come to a door to my apartment.   



I live in a big building with lots of other humans and quite a few dogs.  The humans mostly like me a lot.  As a matter of fact, they like me too much because they all want to hit me on the top of my head.  My human told me they only want to pat me, but you never know.  I back up fast when I see a hand coming. One of the humans put a picture of a Boston Terrier on my door in the middle of the night.  Cute.



Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Texting Codes for Seniors

Since all the "kids" have all their little codes...like BFF, WTF, LOL, etc. here are some text codes for seniors:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
LWO - Lawrence Welk's On
OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFL...CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA - Wet the Furniture Again
WTP - Where's the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Traveling Light by Linda Pastan



I'm only leaving you
for a handful of days,
but it feels as though
I'll be gone forever—
the way the door closes

behind me with such solidity,
the way my suitcase
carries everything
I'd need for an eternity
of traveling light.

I've left my hotel number
on your desk, instructions
about the dog
and heating dinner. But
like the weather front

they warn is on its way
with its switchblades
of wind and ice,
our lives have minds
of their own.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Emily the Strange

http://www.emilystrange.com/blog/index.cfm/2009/9/9/Who-is-Emily-the-Strange


My friends in Los Angeles introduced me to Emily the Strange several years ago and I have loved her ever since. Forget about all these princesses! Forget these prostitots, we need more Emilys. I think of Emily morphing out of a Pipi Longstocking. She loves adventure, she is fearless and she could care less if her prince ever comes.











Emily the Strange came to life in the early 1990's and quickly became a beloved counterculture icon all around the world. In her earliest years, she was a quiet but sharp-witted stranger, slinging philosophy and cultural observations in a series of hand-screened t-shirts and stickers. As her presence grew and became a standard in the cultural underground, Emily's own story began to emerge in a series of gift books, then comic-books and graphic novels, and now a novel series for young adults.

Today, Emily continues to be a voice for individualism and self-awareness, and her appeal is especially strong among alternative-minded young women and girls who identify with her signature singularity. Her presence in the worlds of art, pop culture, literature, and fashion celebrates non-conformist and reminds us all to cultivate that which makes us unique.

Emily is: An Artist, A Dreamer, An Inventor, A Scientist, A Skater, A Rocker and An Individual!

Emily's not your average thirteen year-old-girl. Pink is her worst nightmare...she wears the same black dress every day. She loves math and science. Her best friends are her four BLACK CATS! She's into old rock & punk, but also digs newer bands like My Chemical Romance (BTW, Gerard Way is featured in her Dark Horse comic book, "Revenge at Last!") Emily is so anticool she's cool... a subculture of one, and a follower of no one but herself.

Designers including Jean-Paul Gaultier, Valentino and Marc Jacobs have paid tribute to her, but she doesn't care! Emily wants you to be yourself, think for yourself, and DO IT YOURSELF!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Dance Moms (http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/dance-moms)

I confess. I have logged in a few hours watching Reality TV: The Housewives, Project Runway,  Jeff Lewis on Flipping Out. (I can't get enough of him.) I thought I had seen it all until I happened upon Dance Moms on Lifetime for Women. (Wednesday night at 10:00.) I was at my computer with my back to the TV when I heard what sounded like two female tigresses pulling each other's hair out, interrupted by dance music and a booming voice screaming and a one and a two and a one and a two.  WHAT is this, I had to see, and once I watched, I became hooked in a horrifying way. 




Abby Lee Miller runs a dance studio in Pittsburgh.  It has been quite awhile since Abby has squeezed into a tutu, but she rules the roost with an iron toe shoe. Both the young dancers and their mothers cross Abby at their peril. The mothers hate Abby and most of them hate each other, especially if their daughter was outperformed in yesterday's competition. Stage mothers at their worst, they primp and pamper their daughters, applying enough make up to make them look like prostitots, blow drying their hair endlessly and whispering endearments into their ears meant to boost the poor child's morale should she stumble. 


Tension heats up when a mother disagrees with Abby in any way, shape or form. I would not want to cross her, I would be scared to death of her. She also has an uncanny knack to pit one mother against another, my guess is that Abby is a borderline personality disorder. Borderlines are good at that. Even if the cat fights are staged, it's worth a look. Theatrics such as this are hard to find. I don't have enough adjectives, adverbs or pronouns in my vocabulary to describe it.  Brace yourself and remember that thankfully it's all temporary.






Thursday, August 18, 2011

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Made in China

This was sent to me via an email.  I guess I'll have to stay out of Dollar Stores.

Over 50 years ago I knew a lady who would not buy Christmas gifts if they were made in China. Her daughter will recognize her in the following.
Did you see Diane Sawyer's special report? They removed ALL items from a typical, middle class family's home that were not made in the USA. There was hardly anything left besides the kitchen sink. Literally. During the special they showed truckloads of items - USA made - being brought in to replace everything and talked about how to find these items and the difference in price etc.. It was interesting that Diane said if every American spent just $64 more than normal on USA made items this year, it would create something like 200,000 new jobs!
I WAS BUYING FOOD THE OTHER DAY AT WALMART and ON THE LABEL OF SOME PRODUCTS IT SAID “FROM CHINA.” FOR EXAMPLE THE "OUR FAMILY" BRAND OF THE MANDARIN ORANGES SAYS RIGHT ON THE CAN 'FROM CHINA.'  I WAS SHOCKED SO FOR A FEW MORE CENTS I BOUGHT THE LIBERTY GOLD BRAND OR THE DOLE SINCE IT'S FROM CALIF.
Are we Americans as dumb as we appear --- or --- is it that we just do not think. The Chinese, knowingly and intentionally, export inferior and even toxic products and dangerous toys and goods to be sold in American markets.  70% of Americans believe that the trading privileges afforded to the Chinese should be suspended.
Why do you need the government to suspend trading privileges? DO IT YOURSELF, AMERICA !! Simply look on the bottom of every product you buy, and if it says 'Made in China ' or 'PRC' (and that now includes Hong Kong ), simply choose another product, or none at all. You will be amazed at how dependent you are on Chinese products, and you will be equally amazed at what you can do without. Who needs plastic eggs to celebrate Easter? If you must have eggs, use real ones and benefit some American farmer. Easter is just an example. The point is do not wait for the government to act. Just go ahead and assume control on your own.
THINK ABOUT THIS: If 200 million Americans each refuse to buy just $20 of Chinese goods, that's a billion dollar trade imbalance resolved in our favor...fast!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Wig Wednesday



Yup, it's me! Taking pictures of people taking pictures wearing a wig . . . 


Monday, August 15, 2011

As I look BACK On It


Our family reunion at Stowe was wonderful - five kids, the oldest being six, two boys coping with English as a second language, not enough sleep, always eating, sometimes playing, sometimes not. What made it so precious was the fact that the adults in the room (ha!) knew that this was a very rare occasion. We are separated by an ocean, travel is expensive, and life gets complicated. In spite of the fact that there was not a minute when at least one child was  experiencing a complete meltdown, I shall look back on this week in those beautiful green mountains as one of the most rewarding weeks of my life. What a gift, I am blessed.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Path With a Heart



Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions.  To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life.  Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is no affront to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do.  But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear.

I warn you.  Look at every path closely and deliberately.  Try it as many times as you think necessary.  Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question.  This question is one that only a very wise person asks.  My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it.  Now I do understand it.  I will tell you what it is; does this path have a heart?

All paths are the same; they lead nowhere.  There are paths going through the bush or into the bush.  In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I am not anywhere.  My benefactors question has meaning now.  Does this path have a heart?  If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use.

Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn’t.  One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it.  The other will make you curse your life.  One makes you strong; the other weakens you. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when you finally realize that you have taken a path without heart, the path is ready to kill you.  At that point very few can stop to deliberate and leave the path.

A path without a heart is never enjoyable.  You have to work hard even to take it.  On the other hand, a path with a heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it. For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart.  There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenges is to traverse it’s full length.

And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly . . .

Carlos Castaneda

Friday, August 12, 2011

More Bad Pictures

People Taking Pictures of People Taking Pictures This blog entry is a continuation of my bad pictures collection:







Porcupines



Fable of the porcupine 
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the warmth that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.


The real moral of the story......LEARN TO LIVE WITH THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE! 

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Casey Anthony


The Casey Anthony trial had everything: a missing child, an attractive yet highly disturbed mother, a dysfunctional family that made the Ozzy Osbourne’s look normal, side bars, dueling lawyers, the works.
Casey is a willful, wretched human being, a narcissist, perhaps a borderline personality disorder. I suspect that growing up under the same roof with those mother/daughter dynamics could have put any Lifetime for Women movie to shame.  
Her freedom will not free her, she would have been better off behind bars. There is a social network in prison, and inmates would have flocked around her, drinking in her lies. She would have been safe. She will never feel safe on the outside and for good reason.
If I never see her arrogant sneer again it will be fine with me, but I miss Judge Belvin Perry. What an interesting person.  Watching him in action was like watching a finely tuned instrument.  Simultaneously stern and dignified, he ruled his court room with great class, no easy feat when the cast of characters surrounding him were charged with emotion. 
We will probably never know what really happened. The only good thing to come out of this mess is to spotlight a man who is so good at what he does he made it look easy.  Easy? The man deserves a medal.

Wig Wednesday

I think I like wigs so much because I was born with thin hair.  In my next life I plan to have thick hair and to be a back up dancer in a DJ Otzi concert.  (More on that later!)


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

On Losing A Pet

For those of us who love our pets, there is almost nothing worse than putting them down. "Putting them down" is not one of my favorite euphemisms because as soon as they leave our plane of existence they are not down, they are soaring high above with the angels.

Years ago I had a pug named Buddha who I loved more than life itself. When it was time for me to let him go, I was heartbroken but I didn't want him to suffer, to keep him alive for my sake. I told a friend what was about to happen and she said, "Buddha will send you a sign that everything is ok.  It may not be right away, but be on the lookout for it." This was small comfort to me but I appreciated her insight. 

My son was kind enough to take an afternoon off from work so that he could be with me. The vet came to my apartment, and the deed was done. It is a very peaceful transaction and I was grateful that Buddha was in his beloved basket surrounded by his toys. 

We went for a ride.  It was a beautiful day and we parked by the ocean and talked.  Soon a car  parked facing us. We didn't pay much attention to it when suddenly a pug puppy poked his little head up on the dashboard and smiled.



We both looked at each other and said, "there is our sign! It's Buddha telling us that he is ok." Nothing will convince me otherwise, Buddha knew I was heartbroken and he wanted me to know that "it's all temporary."

Monday, August 8, 2011

I'm As Mad As Hell and I'm Not Going to Take This Any More

1976 or 2011???


Bad Pictures

Since almost everyone and their uncle has a digital camera these days, it is not that difficult to take a reasonably good photograph.  I have decided to travel a different route, to try - really try to take bad pictures.  I succeeded.  I have so many bad pictures I hardly know which ones to choose from for my show and tell. The first category in my collection of bad pictures is "I've Got You Cornered:"




Stay tuned for the next installment: "Pictures of People Taking Pictures of People." How about you? Shall we have a contest? Do you have any bad pictures to contribute? I will offer a prize for the best terrible picture, email it to mariannecarlson@hotmail.com, I'll publish them and send a prize to the person who takes the worst picture. 


Saturday, August 6, 2011

Navy Seals

We have lost 22 Navy Seals in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan. The Navy Seals are the cream of the crop, the very best our country has to offer, and the loss is devastating. I don't understand. On Drudge one headline says "Millions Watch Jersey Shore Opening," a program about teenage malcontents.  Recently there was the bruhaha about Amy Winehouse joining "The 27 Club," a club of rock star drug addicts who overdose at the age of 27. As far as I am concerned, they are not fit to shine the shoes of the Seals. As a country we really need to get our priorities straight. Troops are fighting and dying to preserve our freedom. We are free to choose how we spend out time, to be a beneficial presence or to watch The Jersey Shore.  It's all temporary. 



To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

Leaving On a Jet Plane

Auf Weidersehen to the German contingent. I just dropped them off at Logan Airport, their knapsacks on their backs. I don't like airports, the air is just too thick with emotions.  People greeting each other, hugs, kisses, hellos, goodbyes, happy, sad - it's too much. Saying goodbye to my family is never fun, especially when that large Atlantic Ocean is between us. 


We did have fun in Stowe, though, and pretty well exhausted ourselves as you can see. It's all temporary, we'll bounce back.

While The Cat's Away

. . . the puppets will play.  I have returned from Stowe, and much to my surprise discovered that my little people have been keeping busy.  Good.  Idle hands can be the devil's workshop. I'm not sure WHAT this is all about but they seem to love it so good for them: