NATALYA AND VALENTINA

NATALYA AND VALENTINA

by Marianne Carlson

For as long as she could remember, Natalie had an imaginary twin. As a child her twin was her constant companion. Had it not been for Valentina, life in the small NJ suburban town outside New York City where she grew up would have been unbearable for it was Valentina who pushed her, kicking and screaming, to try out for the swim team, to sing a solo in Guys and Dolls in the local theatre production, to denigrate herself continually auditioning in front of bored clients looking for the perfect teenager. How ironic her life had become. Since the Ruth White Agency had signed her up, Natalie was  the perfect “girl next door” in magazines and on billboards. She sold shampoo, deodorant, jeans, her soul. As her fame grew, her ego, brittle to start with, diminished and was in danger of disappearing altogether. Natalie walked through the door,  charming agents and photographers alike, but it was Valentina who always sealed the deal. 

Tall and graceful, she moved like a giselle with the long, lean look of a ballerina. When she smiled, which was rare, she was captivating. When pensive, she appeared to be consumed with melancholy, her mind was clearly somewhere else,  not a good place for her to be. 

“Natalya, we have to be more careful, people are beginning to notice.” Valentina always called Natalie “Natalya.”

“Notice?”

“Yes, never talk to me in front of other people. They will think you are odd, that there is something wrong with you.”

Fear gripped her. As Valentina talked, a feeling  of  pure terror engulfed Natalie.  They were coming more frequently, the preliminary rush in her head leading up to a full-blown panic attack, leaving her weak, vulnerable and shaking.  She had learned early on to never let anyone know what she was thinking,  never tell anyone, never utter an opinion about anything. Valentina thought for her. The magnitude of losing her twin began to take hold from that moment on. Natalie’s reality, her fame depended on Valentina, without her she was nothing. 

“Look at it this way, Nat. I’m the alpha dog, you the beta.” 

“OK. Fine with me.”

But it was not fine. If you are always someone else, who are you? Natalie was a graceful swimmer, her free style times beat everyone else in her age group but while Natalie walked into the locker to change into her bathing suit, it was always Valentina who walked onto the deck of the pool.  And then there were those damn auditions. Natalie’s mother enrolled her in a spiffy advertising agency in Manhattan. The woman who interviewed her was everything Natalie hated - large, loud and brassy with lots of bracelets that clanked as she drummed her long red nails on her day planner while looking at Natalie through myopic, pale blue eyes too proud to wear glasses. One too many face lifts had frozen her thin lips into a smile that looked more like a perpetual grimace, and through that grimace she oozed hostility born from jealousy. Surrounded by young girls on the cusp of their   allure, hers had long since passed her by. As a result, anger bubbled below the surface, and  unacknowledged anger can be a very scary thing. There was no way Natalie could deal with the horror of this woman, but Valentina loved her.  She was a challenge, and Valentina loved nothing more than a challenge.  

“Dear, you are exactly what Ruth White looks for. How do you stay so slim?”  Both Natalie and Valentina hated it when anyone called them “dear,” it was the kiss of death as far as they were concerned.

“I swim.”

“Wonderful. Just keep on doing what you are doing and you will go far with us.” The Grimace said she would be in touch, and the next thing she knew Valentina was signing a contract. She signed “Natalie” on the dotted line.  

“Oh, my dear, you are lovely beyond belief,” Natalie muttered as she went down the elevator, talking to the mirrored walls surrounding her.

“You bet your sweet ass I am, and we are going to make some big bucks off of you, Grimace, ” answered Valentina.

And so it began: the “cattle calls,” looking for teenage girls for a fast foods commercial, a shoe line, a family scene advertising a mini van, rain gear. Natalie auditioned for all of them. The panic attacks reared their ugly heads on a regular basis. Every time she read or danced or smiled or cried or ate some God-awful processed cheese for yet another self-serving client, Natalie panicked,  but Valentina was always there to put the pieces together as quickly as she fell apart.

“Please swim to the edge of the pool, pause, and then climb slowly up the steps. Try it again, you almost have it.” The client for SwimGear was becoming exasperated.  It was hot on the deck and the lights from the crew and photographers were making it even hotter. Natalie began to shiver, she had been in the water for over an hour and she was cold.

“What am I doing wrong?”

“The timing is off, if you could swim a little slower, and then pause and wait before you climb the stairs.” The client, the ad people, The Grimace was pissed. 

“I can’t do this, I just can’t. Natalie’s world was beginning to cave in on her, the panic, the voices, they were in the pool, they were coming after her.  

“Over here, Natalya, over here.” Valentina waved from lane six, her white bathing cap and black goggles shrouded in a cloud of mist.  Natalie left lane one, and swam under water across the pool.

“What the fuck is she doing now?” The camera man shook his head while wiping the sweat off his red, pudgy face. 

Natalie’s lungs were caving in but she managed to reach Valentina.

“Valentina, I thought you had left me, I thought you were gone, this time for good,” Natalie sobbed.

“I told you, Natalya, I would never leave you. You need to believe me. 

The crew on the deck watched the white bathing cap go under water again, and waited for it to reappear. After ten minutes, The Grimace called 911.

It's All Temporary

Flip Turn

I am happy to report that my swimming is progressing. Forty-five minutes, five days a week, back and forth I go, sometimes like a minnow, sometimes like a whale. One day there was a woman swimming in the next lane, an aggressive swimmer who swam with a rage the likes of which I had not seen. I was glad she wasn't mad at me. I became consumed with envy over her flip turns. She wore flippers and every time she hit the wall there was a "wham, slap" and then off she went again down the lane like a tormented walrus. 

 Flip turns have been my nemisis. I can't do them, but this woman stirred up my competitive juices and I became obsessed. If she can, I can. So I tucked my body into a somersault position, held my nose and went for it. It wasn't pretty. It still isn't, my flip turns are more like flop turns, but persistence is the key, and I shall triumph.

 That same day I showered and stood in front of my locker naked as a jay bird, working the combination on my pad lock. It would not open. I have used the same combination every day for six months and IT WOULD NOT OPEN! Feeling rather vulnerable, I realized that all my clothes and my car keys were in that locker. An angel in the locker room said "I will get help." Four magic words. She returned with another woman and some monster clippers. It didn't end there, we needed the muscles of a man (oh dear) so we cleared the locker of all females so that he could come in and get the job done.

 My little wet YMCA towel wrapped around my shivering body did not keep me warm, but I was warmed by  those angels in the locker room. Who knows, maybe one of them was that "Angry Goddess of the Flip Turn" coming to my rescue. We all look the same with bathing caps and goggles, without them, it's hard to tell.

It's All Temporary

Swimming Trials at The Puddleduckpuppet Plaza

It's All Temporary

Another Swimming Update/The twins are at it again

Jan

Anne

My swimming updates have been few and far between. I took three weeks off in December due to an ear infection and the holidays but am back in the pool again (On the road again!) No longer do I wear a skirted matronly suit, I am in a black "training suit." I decided on black so I would look serious. My brave twin, Jan, goes to the pool most days because she never gets cold and she is a better swimmer. The good news is that her free style gets better every day, Jan is like a knife going through warm butter in the water.  Smooth, smooth, smooth with hardly a ripple. As the Buddhists say, "leave no wake." That's Jan. Anne splashes about but she tries. The bad news is that neither one of us can do a flip turn.  For some reason somersaulting off the wall is beyond us.

I am on day four of a "15 day challenge."  Fifteen days straight for half an hour in the pool is my goal.  It is also Jan's goal.  We shall see, I'll let you know.

It's All Temporary

Swimming Update

Good news on my swimming progress - I am enjoying it beyond my wildest expectations. Part of the pleasure is due to three purchases: goggles, fins, and a bathing cap.  For the first time in my life I am able to do an honest to goodness free style, probably due to the fact that the goggles and cap prevent  water from invading my ears and eyes. I stopped counting laps because I can never remember what lap I am on. I swim and as I swim, I either recite my Alexander Technique mantra (my back is lengthening and widening, my back is lengthening and widening, my arms are lengthening, my legs are lengthening) or I write scripts for my puppets in my head. 

The picture was taken by one of the girls at the Y. I emailed it to my two sons which caused a flurry of emails.  They were both horrified at my bathing suit: From Josh: Great picture! Now you just need a new suit, mom. Is that a built in skirt around the waist?? Reply from Alex:  I think she sewed it on after she bought it. Or maybe it's velcro. She keeps the skirt on when she trains and then rips it off when she is on the blocks before a race. Needless to say, I have been shamed into ordering a skirtless bathing suit on line.  It is purple.  I will look like a plum paddling up and down the lanes as my back lengthens and widens.

Swimming

I am swimming!  This may or may not be a big deal to anyone else, but it is a very big deal to me. I became inspired after reading Zenhabits (one of my favorite blogs) on changing ones habits, slowly but surely, like my friend, the turtle.  Zenhabits says "focus on one habit at a time and make a decision to change."  It is important to concentrate on only one thing at a time, otherwise changing one's ways can be overwhelming, bringing on procrastination, discouragement and defeat.

http://www.yourswimmingspace.com/benefits-of-swimming.html

I am a member of the local YMCA and am lucky enough to be able to swim when the pool is almost empty.  For those of you who are familiar with my "brave twin, scared twin" syndrome, I have discovered that allowing my brave twin to plunge into the pool is far easier than my cowardly twin. She just jumps right in and starts kicking. Neither twin is the picture of grace. I make my way up the lane like a crab, propelling my arms one way and my feet another.  Sometimes I lie on my back and kick, sometimes I do a breaststroke/butterfly combo.  My freestyle is a tortured mess, I need lessons from my granddaughters. There is a wonderful website on the benefits of swimming and the following is taken from that:

Water Resistance: Unlike air, water is a constant source of resistance, and though aiding us through buoyancy, it still requires more work to move through than air. But the stress of the movement is shifted away from the weight-bearing joints to the actual muscles. This means any movements done in the water can be both aerobic and anaerobic (think lifting weights and running at the same time but without the stress on your body!) And because water resistance can be controlled by the participant’s level of intensity, workouts can be customized to meet the needs of any age or ability.

To date I have gone three times and swam 20 laps each time.  I am telling you this because, although brave, my twin needs moral support. Confession is good for the soul, and I will need to confess from time to time if I don't keep at it.  As winter comes, plunging into that pool may be less inviting, even though the water is warm, even for a brave twin.  To be continued.